


Star of Dawn

by Darkest_Day



Series: From Stars [2]
Category: Destiny (Video Game)
Genre: Amanda is Awesome, Canonical Character Death, M/M, Self-Sacrifice, Temporary Character Death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-05
Updated: 2017-11-05
Packaged: 2019-01-29 20:43:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,482
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12638793
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Darkest_Day/pseuds/Darkest_Day
Summary: But right now Amanda Holliday stands in the Courtyard with Zavala and she can see the gears inside his head running over everything she'd just said. She can see the way he presses his lips into a straight line like he's chewing on his thoughts and trying to decide how he should answer, or maybe just trying to figure out how much he wanted to tell her. He had a hand against the railing, clenching and loosening his fingers on the metal nervously. She stands a little ways away from him, he finally looks up at her and meets her unwavering gaze and says:“Andal Brask was a valued friend and brother in arms, I don't feel that it is appropriate for me to pursue a relationship with Cayde.”





	Star of Dawn

**Author's Note:**

> This is a companion piece to 'From here, the stars', you don't need to read that one to understand this.

This one was her earliest memory. Everything was amber and seemed to shimmer from the pale light all around them. She couldn't remember if it was early morning or midday but she did remember her mother opening her arms for her and the way she smiled. She remembered sitting on her mother's lap and looking at the deep black and purple bruises spotted up her arm, she remembered counting the puncture wounds in crusted red. There was a journal put into her hands, the first two pages contained Fallen sketches from the previous owner and the rest was blank. The corners were worn soft with age.

“We're all gonna get to the last safe city one day.” She was saying, she was petting her daughters hair and holding her tightly. “Nothin' will ever hurt you again once you're there. You'll be safe. Always. But I need you to make damn sure you don't get complacent, I want you to write down every hardship you face from here on out, and once you've been livin' in the City for a few years you've gotta pull that book out and read it and remind yourself everything it took to get there. None of us know what tomorrow'll bring, so don't ever forget what got you here.”

They buried her with her gun a couple years later. A shallow grave at the side of the road, Amanda wrote the words 'I will never forget' on a piece of paper from the journal and left that in the grave too. She was just a child growing up out here, back then she didn't have the capacity to even imagine what it would be like to just live without worry. It seemed impossible to even fathom, it seemed like no more than a dream to hope for something so peaceful.

When the City fell and their Light was lost, years and years after she'd been living safely in the City, while they were mid-evacuation she begged Zavala to let her go back to the Tower. Suddenly she felt like a child again, begging him to let her try fixing a ship for the first time. It hadn't taken much to convince him back then, he had smiled and led her to the broken-down ship. This time he had stared at her, her tiny hands on his bulky wrist plates with fire and embers all around them. They needed to have left ten minutes ago but she needed this, part of her wondered if he needed that delay too just in case they could change something at the last minute. “Please.” She begged, “I just need one thing.” She promised she would never forget, each word she wrote back then was a word she couldn't afford to lose. It was the last thing she had of her mother. 

He didn't smile fondly at her this time, instead he frowned and nodded his wordless approval. They got into her ship and got back onto the burning tower and ran inside. Even Lightless, Zavala had strength enough to ram his shoulder into her door until it splintered and broke. She darted in, grabbed the journal, and the two of them went back the way they came. They rounded the corner as an explosion burst into the hall, he pinned her against the wall and used his body to protect her from the debris. She hid against his chest, and only looked up at him once the stone and metal lay still. He looked pained, fire scorching his back. Guilt consumed her.

They escaped to Titan, where Zavala mourned the loss of their home and their Light. She knew the way he cherished the City and she knew how hard it was for him to leave it. She wanted to tell him that losing their Light wasn't the end of the world, but she knew it wasn't just that and she cared about him too much to be harsh like that. He would stare off into the distance on the moon; all hope gone and she didn't know how to help him see it again. She didn't think she would be able to help him anyway, even if she were able to find the words. She tried talking a few times, but she couldn't get through to him. It left her feeling helpless, he had always been so strong and now he stood looking worn down to the bone.

Titans were the first Guardians she'd met. Back when she was young their group had come so close to the City, everything they had was broken down and she just didn't have the supplies or the strength to fix it. They'd only been able to afford a single mouthful of water a day for the last week and they'd run out of food ages ago. One of their members had taken the last of the water and rushed on ahead to the City, leaving them in the shelter of the shade. He would bring help, at least they all hoped he would. She remembered laying herself down in the sand and looking at the Traveler in the distance, then closing her eyes and letting the heat sink into her core.

Zavala was the one leading a brigade of titans on sparrows, they'd left behind their posts to save the lives of a handful of refugees. As the sun was approaching the horizon they rolled in, each Guardian helped get a member of their group onto a sparrow to take them to safety. It was Zavala who had come to her, he lifted her out of the sand. She remembered looking up at him, wondering why his skin was a pale blue and his eyes had light inside of them. He had smiled at her in a way that seemed so fond, he carried her to his sparrow and got on while cradling her against his chest. Her cheek against the cool metal of his chest, it was the first time since her mother died she'd felt at peace. Protected. She let her eyes close and the wind blow through her hair, Zavala's arm around her to keep her from falling.

The first tine she actually met him, once she'd rested and cooled down, she was intimidated by him. He was tall and broad and it was all a little much for her to take in. But he let her tell him she knew what she was doing, so he gave her free reign to tinker. She broke a few things but fixed a whole lot more in those early days.

But right now Amanda Holliday stands in the Courtyard with Zavala and she can see the gears inside his head running over all the possibilities he can think of. She can see the way he presses his lips into a straight line like he's chewing on his thoughts and trying to decide how he should answer, or maybe just trying to figure out how much he wanted to tell her. He had a hand against the railing, clenching and loosening his fingers on the metal nervously. This was not the kind of conversation they have ever had before. She stood a little ways away from him, he looked up at her from the patch of ground he had been staring at and said:

“Andal Brask was a valued friend and brother in arms, I don't feel that it is appropriate for me to pursue a relationship with Cayde.”

The first time she met Cayde-6 she'd walked in on him and Andal banging against a table, the both of them only partially undressed, thankfully. She was no prude, well, only a little bit. So she'd gone red and let out a little yelp of surprise at the sight, covering her eyes with her hands. The exo had hurriedly tossed his cloak over the place their bodies were joined. “Heya!” He said cheerfully, Amanda made a vaguely distressed sound in response. Cayde introduced herself and she heard Andal sigh.

“Just give us a few moments.” Andal said, she hadn't really spoken to him too many times, but never had a reason to dislike him. He always smiled kindly at people bringing in the reports. He was reserved and quiet and didn't say too much but he had this patient confidence that echoed in every move he made. Except this one. Amanda left the room as quickly as she could.

Later, Andal presented her a bright yellow flower and formally apologized for what she'd interrupted. He had these big brown eyes and dark hair, a narrow face with a rounded chin and a scuff of hair on his jaw. He looked like the kind of guy who could earn trust and melt hearts with just a look. Cayde had followed up later and asked her not to tell Zavala. Her response had been to snort with laughter because there was no way she would ever tell him something like that. Zavala had always been something of a father figure and she wasn't about to tell him she'd caught the hunter Vanguard in such a compromising position.

Cayde decided after that that she was his friend. He was a little touchy but he was damned loyal and there wasn't a thing about him she didn't like. She'd never seen an exo up close, wasn't really close to many of them even though she saw them all the time. Cayde caught her staring at the part of his mouth that lit up when he spoke, when she said she'd never really had a chance to see how exo's worked, he had pulled the hood off his head and let her run her fingers over the cool metal. Many of the pieces of his face weren't solid, she could move them around with a gentle press and he could wiggle them himself. He opened his mouth and let her shine a light in there to see how it all worked. He told her to put her head on his chest, after some hesitation she did. She could hear this steady little tick in him, like a heartbeat. There was this quiet humming and the subtle sound of turning gears and circuits. He poked at somewhere on his neck and she pried open this little flap and saw a rather large input, two holes for screws on either side. She'd never seen anything like it.

So with Cayde in tow, she dragged him around to teach her how exo's worked. They found one old room that didn't get used very often that had a long and heavy cord that ran on a track from the ceiling. It fit into Cayde's neck perfectly and two screws on the end secured it in place. He told her about how inside him, he had all these oils and stuff. He admitted he didn't know much about what they all were or how they worked, but Amanda Holliday was the Shipwright, all she had to do was broadcast exo research and material search and the Guardians were eagerly bringing them to her.

She liked warlocks, too, Ikora was stern but had a streak of competitiveness she didn't even try to deny. She teased Cayde often but there was no real heat to her jabs, there was always this fondness behind her words. Her and Andal seemed close, too, they were always talking to one another or walking around together.

Cayde became protective of her, like an older brother. She'd started seeing this guy from the City once, someone she met up with for supply drops who eventually asked her for coffee. She liked him, but wasn't taking it too seriously. Between Cayde's visits whenever he was in the Tower and her work she didn't really have time to date. He made a pretty valiant effort to find some time with her, which was kind of flattering. When she told Cayde about him the hunter had just left without a word. She had thought that was rather rude of him, but didn't think much about it. Sometimes Cayde forgot to tell her what was going on in his head and just assumed she knew what he meant. A week later he found her and told her to go down to the construction bay under the Tower at 1800, she'd see what she was looking for. Turns out the guy she was sorta dating was stealing supplies from the people who needed them and reselling them. Real rotten stuff, the kind of things that good people didn't do. He got exiled from the City and she didn't even feel the slightest bit of guilt for it. 

She'd kissed Cayde's cheek in thanks, he'd playfully elbowed her with a gushy little noise and she laughed because it sounded so weird coming from him. The last time he left, he'd been in such good spirits, she'd known him for years and he'd been such a stable part of her life. He was always in and out of the Tower. He'd go out for a week or two, sometimes three, then he'd be back for a few days to a few weeks. Always him and Andal disappearing together, or him egging Zavala on, or even him and Ikora bickering about something. Or he'd be with her, tossing screws at her until she got exasperated and told him to buzz off or she relented and joined him in whatever he had in mind. Sometimes he'd even help out, but that was pretty rare.

Cayde was gone for five months before his Ghost returned – alone. They'd begun to worry after two and a half weeks. Andal found a bit of solace in her over those months, she thought, he started coming round to the Hangar more often. Maybe it was solace, maybe it was the simple fact that he was watching for Cayde's little ship. He would pace near her for a few long minutes before she sternly told him to sit the hell down or leave before he wore a hole in the floor. He told her the first time she'd told him off that she sounded like Cayde. She always reassured him, “he'll be back.” She said confidently, “we both know Cayde, I don't think there's any force strong enough out there to kill him.” But neither of them believed it at the end of the day. She'd never seen Andal look so beaten down, that kindness in his eyes was replaced by a broken sadness.

When Cayde's Ghost arrived, the pieces of her shell drooped sadly. She held herself like she failed as the Vanguard plus Amanda stood to listen to her story. She told them that she'd resurfaced over the ocean, a couple clicks out to sea. Their ship had been destroyed by something in the water, something she didn't have a chance to scan or even identify. It had been too fast for them to react. She had searched the water for months, she had searched the shoreline for two. Days kept going by and she still hadn't found him no matter where or how far she looked. She didn't say that she had finally admitted defeat, but the fact that she was here meant that she had accepted that her Guardian was gone. She had finally given up trying to find him. Amanda couldn't imagine how difficult that decision would have been. She told them that there was no trace of him anywhere, no amount of scans no matter how close or far from the shore found anything, another group of Guardians had even come around, tried to scan for him too, but they left after a day because even the amplified power couldn't find anything. The little machine hung low in the air, when she offered her hand for it she drifted into her palm. She'd never held a Ghost before, she was warm and surprisingly heavy. Cayde was well-liked around the Tower, he spent so much time around here it would be a surprise if they didn't know him. The loss of him felt like the loss of a piece of them.

That night, off to the side of the Courtyard she spotted Andal sitting up on the rooftop. She knew better than to bother him after the news so she simply returned to her work. Sometime after midnight, lost in her machines for hours, she couldn't help but step back out into the Courtyard again even though it was out of her way. Andal was still up there, sitting with two Ghosts in the moonlight. She hesitated for a long moment, uncertain if it was a good idea to go speak to him or if he just wanted to be alone. This didn't feel like her place, but she grit her teeth and climbed up the stairs and balanced herself on a railing. From there it was little more than a jump to grab the edge of the roof and haul herself up.

She quietly walked towards him, careful not to slip on the sloping roof. She was confident that he was aware of her arrival, he was a hunter and there weren't very many things that slipped by unnoticed by them. He had something hanging limply from his lips, some kind of herb rolled loosely by thin paper and burning at the end. She knew that smell, anytime he came near she smelled it. Something thick and familiar but she'd never been able to place it. But now with the source of the smell that always clung to him visible, she put the pieces together. It reminded her of her mother. She sat down next to him.

Quietly, he spoke. “I didn't think it'd be possible for him not to come back.” He said, taking another breath of the embers. The smell of the smoke was deep and earthy; it was comforting. She didn't know why it had taken her so long to place that smell. “I thought he'd be back like he always was, some grand tale to tell.”

“I know” she murmured, putting her elbows on her knees. Cayde's Ghost floated over to her and she held out her palm, she sank down into it gratefully. She smiled at the little machine.

“Worst part is we don't even have a body. I know it's how these things go, but, guess I just wanted to give him a proper goodbye. And.. it was Cayde, I always thought he'd be around longer than me.” The herbs in his mouth hadn't even burnt down to his lips yet but he was rolling another between his fingertips. His fingers were long and thin. “I knew he liked you, why don't you look after his Ghost for me?” His eyes flicked to the Ghost, who had turned the lens of her eye to him. “Sorry, buddy, don't know if I can handle being around you all the time.”

The Ghost clicked sadly, turning her eye to her instead. “ _I know_.” She said, “ _I'll go out again, see if I can find him_ ”

Andal laughed in a way that sounded like a sob. “Don't think you will. If there was anything left to find of him I'd be going out there myself.” He pulled a bit of flame to his palm to light the next bit of rolled paper. She stared in awe, she'd never seen anyone use the Light like that.

He noticed her look, opened his hand and let electricity roll like thunder between his fingers. “Ikora taught me.” He explained. “Warlocks have a natural talent for using the Light like an extension of themselves. Titan's don't see a point in silly tricks like this and hunters just don't care. Tried to teach Cayde once, he didn't have the patience for it. Took me a couple years to learn simple tricks, but Ikora's a good teacher. She probably could have taught him if he could sit still long enough.” He spread his fingers, and a little bit of glowing purple swirled between them. She'd never seen void Light so close.

They sank into a companionable silence. She could see the steady shake in his hands despite the calm way he accepted Cayde's death. He didn't have a choice anyway, none of them did. She just didn't think it would be like this. “Pretty sure I loved him more than he loved me, y'know.” He started after a few quiet minutes. “I knew he loved me, yeah,” he started rolling another bundle of herbs in that thin paper. The last one had burnt itself out. “But I knew I wouldn't be the one to hold him down for good. But I'm glad I was the last.” He exhaled a cloud of smoke. “You were close, how are you holding up?”

She let out a bark of laughter and tears slipped down her cheeks, she'd kept herself up pretty well until now. She gave herself a minute to stifle the tears with her jaw clenched, then she wiped one cheek on her shoulder and said “all we can do is remember them.”

“You sound like a hunter.” Andal said approvingly. “No wonder he liked you so much.”

Amanda and Andal sat up at the rooftop for a long time, a lot of the time was spent sitting in silence, but then he passed her what he was smoking and she tried it and spluttered. She told him it smelled a hell of a lot better than it tasted. From there, they began to find things to laugh about. They talked about the first time Andal met Cayde, he was covered in something that made him smell like he'd been rolling in literal shit and Andal had been impressed by the sheer audacity it took for him to approach a member of the Vanguard like that. They laughed about that time she'd gone on a winning streak on their poker games and she'd wrung him so dry she didn't even have the heart to take it all from him. They got each other laughing as the sun began to rise in the distance, finding something healing in the mutual pain. Cayde was gone, for good this time. All any of them could do was keep going.

It was pleasant having a little Ghost companion. She helped her with pretty much everything, taking notes for her while she worked or sending messages to the Vanguard to give them status reports. The only person she didn't send anything to through Cayde's Ghost was Andal, she didn't think it would be very kind of her to force him to have that reminder. She got the Ghost to transmat something to her once, but the Ghost was clumsy with it and had nearly broken her table. She hadn't asked again, but had patted the machine kindly so she wouldn't feel bad about the mishap.

She went to check on Andal fairly often, and eventually he started coming around to her anytime he stepped away from everyone else to smoke those strange herbs of his. She would stand with him, he would tell her stories, she would laugh and tell him that there's no way Ikora once kissed Zavala. He smirked at her and insisted it was true. She grew to enjoy those little breaks, they all still remembered Cayde but they were all beginning to move on.

Almost two months after the arrival of Cayde's Ghost something changed. She was standing beside Zavala giving him her monthly inventory list, the Ghost hanging over her shoulder listlessly. It happened without warning, the little machine suddenly went very still, her eye facing the wall they stood next to. Both of them looked up curiously, the strange behaviour bringing a concerned line between Zavala's eyebrows.

Without a word the little machine suddenly left the Hall and disappeared out into the open air. She and the Commander only spared a glance at each other before they were running off after it, she spotted it soaring up and over the tower and dropping down sharply over the wall. Zavala led the way, they ran out to the long pathway on top of the wall as Zavala's Ghost scanned the area. They stopped, the Ghost stared at him intently. “ _It's Cayde_.” He said in a hurried voice. Zavala didn't hesitate, he put his hand on the railing and tossed himself over. Amanda shouted after him as he landed in a flurry of static and took off on a sparrow over the barren dirt.

Ikora and Andal were jogging up to her, “Cayde.” She said breathlessly. No time was wasted in climbing down that wall, Andal had scooped her up and jumped from the ledge, landing gracefully where he set her down, Ikora floated down next to them and the three of them stood in the sand. They stood for only a moment before they began to jog, but they didn't get very far before they spotted Zavala approaching at a steady walk with a limp body in his arms. “No” she breathed, her knees buckled and Ikora steadied her, one hand on her back and the other on her arm. Cayde had his head against Zavala's chest, his clothes were in rags and crusted with salt and dirt save for the fresh looking vest he wore. There was no light in his eyes, there was no movement in his limbs. The tattered cloak on his back was the only thing that moved with each step Zavala took, even that was stiff and rocked slowly. The pieces of his exoskeleton looked like it was peeling off of him, calcium built up under the rust clinging to all the broken edges. Andal's jaw was tight, but the three of them began to walk to meet him.

“He's alive.” Zavala said as soon as they were close enough to hear.

“ _He's in an emergency stasis._ ” His Ghost said softly, “ _I'll be able to heal him, it's just going to take awhile._ ”

“Amanda, he was asking for you.” She bit her tongue and nodded, seeing him like that felt like a knife to the belly. Cayde was always so full of life and light and seeing him looking like he was broken took the breath from her lungs, Ikora still steadied her and she grabbed her wrist to stay standing. She knew she wouldn't be able to stay up on her own. “Andal, we will bring him to your room, I'll leave my Ghost with yours, between the three of them.. it should work.” She'd watched Zavala struggle with loss before, but this was different. This wasn't loss – this was seeing someone he'd at least been friendly with in a state that may have been worse than death.

Andal only nodded, turning on his heel and lead the way to his room. Amanda paced the Hangar, she couldn't think and she couldn't work, she just needed to know he was actually going to pull through. Did she know enough about exo bodies to heal him if needed? Cayde had hinted that he'd be okay if she opened him up and taken a look, but she had shut down the idea because that had felt far too personal. She regretted it now, what if this couldn't be repaired by a Ghost? What if they needed her and she couldn't live up to it?

It felt like hours later when Andal found her. He looked ragged, but he said “come with me” and led her to his room. She followed and felt relief run over her when he opened the door, the pieces of machine that made him up was still tarnished by buildup and grime, but the dents had smoothed out, the curling metal had realigned back into place. “ _We pulled him out of the stasis._ ” Cayde's Ghost said, Ikora and Zavala's Ghosts had already left. “ _He's just resetting now._ ”

“Wait, resetting?” Amanda asked, something akin to panic gripped her by the throat.

“Not his mind.” Andal soothed, he was sitting down on the bed with him, near his arm, his hand was holding the metal one and running his thumb over his knuckles. “Just his body, I don't really understand exactly how exo's work but I know he's been through a lot.”

“ _He's reset so many times._ ” She mourned. “ _I can't imagine how much he's been through._ ” Her pieces were sagging, she'd never seen a machine look so sad before. “ _There's a record of how many times he's restarted, there's status reports on how degraded he is, his core was almost completely blown open._ ”

“Why did you bring me here, Andal?” Amanda asked, she didn't know how to process all that. The Ghost floated over and settled onto her shoulder.

“He was asking for you.” He exhaled deeply, “I'm not jealous,” he started. “But it does sting he asked for you first.”

When Cayde woke up he didn't notice Amanda sitting there. He felt the hand holding his and it was Andal he saw first. Andal was the only one he saw. He grabbed a fistful of his clothes and pulled him in, hissing softness and words she politely tried not to listen to. They were words of love and longing and she just tried not to intrude.

When the heat finally cooled Cayde noticed her, with his hands still on the other hunter he pulled his legs off the bed and put his feet on the floor. “Fucking stiff” he groaned, “Amanda, I need your help.” He said. “You too, Andal. I didn't make it here alone, honestly I don't think I could have. Point is, I had help. And now I gotta return the favour. Two Ghostless Guardians, they're waiting on the outskirts of the City. I told them I'd help, one of them took me apart and replaced, uh, whatever it is that keeps me going. I don't know, exactly, but I do know that they used most of what they had on me and without Ghosts to heal they've gotta do it the old fashioned way.”

“I know what you need.” She said quickly as she leapt to her feet. She was feeling all sorts of conflicting things but she was also feeling a bit of relief and excitement that she could actually help. “I'll have it for you as soon as I can. Meet me in the hangar, alright?”

“ _I'm going with you._ ” The Ghost chimed in, “ _I'm not watching this._ ”

“ _I'm not either, I'll come with you._ ” Andal's Ghost said, voice so soft and petite and timid. She'd never heard it speak before.

So, with two Ghosts following her, Amanda was mentally prepared to gather the exo supplies she had rounded up ages ago. And, well, she knew how it was to have to travel on the road, she could arrange everything else she needed. She was counting supplies in her head as she was leaving; but Cayde called after her. “Wait, come here.” So she did, he stood on shaky legs and took a few steps towards her and wrapped his arms tightly around her. She'd never hugged an exo, but wrapped her arms around him just as tightly as he held her. There was no give to his body but the metal pieces flexed and moved as he did. “Thank you.” His voice was soft and she saw the orange glow of his mouth and rest her head on him.

“I'm glad you're okay.” She said, her voice a little thick.

Ikora helped her secure the supplies, both of the Vanguard were relieved to know that he was okay. She reported that he was up and moving and probably getting busy with Andal, but she didn't tell them that last point. The important thing was that Cayde wasn't gone, he was okay. He was up was alive. When they all saw Cayde next, he was wearing gear that looked fairly similar to what Andal wore. It was actually kind of adorable to see how the two of them matched.

But it didn't take long before they all began to notice that Cayde had changed. He would twitch sometimes, compulsively, or here and there he'd just quit speaking in the middle of a sentence until someone else said something. He still left the Tower on his normal schedule, after convincing Andal that he wasn't going to get himself almost dead again. Whenever he got back he was always a little worse. The longer he stayed the better he got, the less this weird behaviour happened. It worried her, but she didn't know enough about it and didn't really have the heart to ask Ikora what it meant. She thought she knew anyway, she didn't want the confirmation.

She spotted Andal a couple months after Cayde's return, he sat up on the rooftop again. It was a few hours after midnight and she was tired but she knew that he wouldn't be up there if he didn't have something heavy on his mind. She climbed up there and sat down next to him. He was smoking again but his hands didn't shake this time. The look on his face was a strange one, firm and hard and pure acceptance. Whatever was on his mind had been settled, she thought.

He didn't say anything for a long time, she waited for him to speak.

“He broke my wrist today.” He murmured, smoke curling from his teeth. He let out a short breath.

“What?”

“He didn't mean it. Never would. Ghost called it a misfire. Impulses in the exo brain fire too many at once and it causes the body to convulse.” He took another long drag, let it out and spoke through the smoke in his mouth. “Means he's close to a reboot. Means he won't remember any of this, or any of us.”

This was worse than losing him. She couldn't imagine looking at her friend and having him look back at her without any sign of recognition. Pain rattled through her bones and she hugged her knees to her chest. “Is there anything we can do?” She asked weakly.

“One thing.” The hunter said, he closed his eyes for a long moment, holding the smoke in his lungs. When he breathed out, he let out a soft chuckle. “You're not gonna like it though.”

“Andal?” She asked, gently, releasing her knees and turning to him.

“Cayde's gonna be the new hunter Vanguard.”

“What? Andal, you can't—“

“I can. I am. I'm not gonna go down without a fight, but this is a fight I can't win alone. When he's here he gets better. By Ikora's calculations the process should stop and start to recede.”

“You're.. going to trap him here? At the Tower? What about your Ghost?”

“Yeah, I know it sounds bad. It's the only way.” He let out another breath that sounded like he was trying to dislodge emotion from his throat. “I've been thinking about it for months. Maybe it's selfish, but he's.. he's too important to me to let him lose his mind. I know how important his memories are to him and..” he paused again, he flicked the remaining end of the lit thing and bowed his head into one hand, trying to control himself. Nothing could stop the edge of pain in his voice “I couldn't look at him and know he doesn't remember me. It's selfish, it's _worse_ than selfish. Trapping him here will kill him, but letting him get back out into the wilds will destroy every part of him.” His Ghost floated sadly next to him, and he grabbed her out of the air and held her close. “I've told her to just leave me there.” He said to her. “I've told her to go far away, let them take my Light, create another Guardian in my place. But she won't, she wants to be at my side.”

Hesitantly, she reached out to him. She paused halfway, losing her nerve, then eventually let her hand settle on his shoulder. The breath he let out sounded broken. “I understand.” She murmured. This couldn't have been an easy choice, but it wasn't hers to make. Something inside of her was cracking.

“I'm glad you joined me up here. I was hoping you would.” He had composed himself a little bit, breathing a bit easier. He patted her knuckles gently. “I need you to do something for me.”

Amanda chewed her lip, uncertain if she was strong enough to do what he wanted to ask her. She'd grown close to him through all this, he'd become as important to her as Ikora was, even as important as Cayde was. She knew some of his stories and she knew some of his travels. “Yeah, yeah I can.”

His voice was rough, he sounded like he was about to break down. She was chewing her cheek. “Make damn sure that the next one to love him is damn well worthy. If they wouldn't lay down their life for him, they'll never be good enough. If you don't personally approve of them, they aren't good enough.”

Whatever was cracking broke, she tasted blood as her chewing split skin. “I'll say goodbye before I go, don't worry. You're a good girl, Amanda.” He stood, he left, she stayed there until morning.

It was Ikora who came to sit with her after a few long hours of her just existing up there, and Ikora didn't waste any time in opening her arms for her. Gratefully, Amanda slid over to her and collapsed into her shoulder and didn't try to fight how much it hurt. Only the two of them knew Andal's plan, only the two of them would carry that burden. Amanda was the only one to carry the burden of Andal Brask's last command.

When it happened, the tower hung black banners bearing the marking Andal wore on his cloak. The Tower went so quiet it was haunting. Cayde-6 was officially initiated into the Vanguard.

It didn't take long for him to knock on her door late at night, he stood there looking as vulnerable as an exo could look. “Hey” he said when she opened the door. He had a cheery note in his voice that she knew wasn't real. “Wanna go on an adventure?” He asked.

“No.” She replied, she wanted to sleep off the weariness. She wasn't going to tell him what Andal said about keeping him here. “I'm not gonna have the Commander on my ass for leaving with you.”

“Blame it on me, yeah? It's all on me. I'll always be on me. You'll never get in trouble for it, I promise.” There was an undeniable note of desperation in his voice. “Please,” he begged, “let's go, alright?”

She ended up agreeing, she drove and he gave her the coordinates. She knew what this was, she knew she shouldn't be doing it but her friend was in pain, it was plain to see. From the stories she heard, she knew this was how they healed. He told her he was just going in real quick. But they were outside a Fallen Ketch and she pressed the back of her head hard into the seat and waited with her eyes closed tight so she wouldn't start crying again.

When he returned, he didn't say anything. She just started to fly. She'd watched the moon for years so that's where they went. They landed on the ashen surface and they stood together and watched the Earth above them. After a long time, Cayde patted the back of her shoulder and took a few steps forwards. He took the cloak off his head and tossed it into the dust. In the quiet he took up Andal Brask's cloak, slung the heavy cloth over his shoulders and tied the scarf around his throat, he turned to her as he put the hood over his head. She was shaking and was clenching her teeth as he walked towards her, she put her hands on his chest weakly, then reached up to fix the scarf so it lay neatly. Without much warning he pulled her in for a long hug, and they stood there together until they got too cold to continue.

Cayde wasn't going to know that this moment had been calculated, that burden felt greater than anything else she'd ever known before. He put his arms around her and held her. “The Fallen'll be scrambling.” He said, “sent him off with fire, wasn't gonna let them keep him.”

But Cayde did stop misfiring and his cloak still smelled like a combination of Andal and her mother.

Cayde had been the hunter Vanguard for a few years and in the last year she watched what was developing between Zavala and Cayde. She'd seen it for months leading up to the loss of the City, the two of them making these longing looks at each other. Of everyone she'd ever known, Zavala was the only one who lived up to Andal's requirements.

“You look troubled.” The conversation started. Zavala turned to her.

“It isn't my intention to concern you, nor is it my intention to involve you in.. unprofessional matters.”

“I'm friends with Cayde,” she pointed out cheerfully. “'Unprofessional' isn't in my dictionary.”

He gave her a tight lipped smile, she smiled at him in a great big way that she was sure Cayde would if he had the capacity to do so. “Don't'cha think I've known you long enough by now? I think we can skip the formalities.” When Zavala said nothing, she pressed a little further. “This is about Cayde, right?”

The silence was drawn out, he chewed his answer.

“Andal Brask was a valued friend and brother in arms, I don't feel that it is appropriate for me to pursue a relationship with Cayde.”

“That's not it.” She replied, shaking her head. “What's really holding you back? And besides, I knew Andal. He wouldn't have wanted you to keep yourself away from someone you cared about.”

“I may have.. had a lapse in judgment during the battle with Ghaul.” He admitted, softly.

“A lapse in judgment, or a moment of honesty with yourself?”

“I can't. It wouldn't be appropriate.”

Of everyone she knew, it was Zavala. He passed her seal of approval with flying colours and he passed Andal's too. She couldn't have picked a better person for him. She knew damn well that Zavala wouldn't hesitate to give up his life for Cayde, it was obvious in everything he did. “Can't?” She asked, “or won't?” He looked at her with weary eyes. “He may be, y'know, a robot, but you guys aren't exactly subtle about all this.” She shrugged casually, giving him another bright little smile. “Just know, you have my seal of approval.” She took a few steps away from him, then stopped and turned around.

“And Zavala?” She said, he turned to face her. “You've got Andal's approval too, one of the last things he said to me was to make sure I approved of whoever loved him next.”

Zavala didn't look shocked. “I had always suspected his death had not been by accident.” He murmured. “Ikora refused to tell me, Andal himself was very vague.”

Amanda bit her tongue, she hadn't wanted to share Andal's last words so carelessly, but she was tired of seeing these two constantly making eyes at each other with both of them too worried about what was proper to make anything of it. “You'd give your life for him, wouldn't you?” She asked softly, she took a few steps towards him to stand beside him at the railing again.

“I would give it gladly.” He replied, “but I am concerned that may not be enough, I would give my life to protect the people I care about, or the people of the City. When the number of people I would die for is high, that makes it seem less.. important.”

“I know you would. How 'bout this, would you sacrifice your rank, job, or Ghost for him?”

Zavala looked at her intently, tightening his jaw. “If someone's survival depends on your death, you die knowing they are safe. If I were to give my rank, my position here in the Tower, or my Ghost for..” he broke off, lips pulling into a straight line. “It is an easy decision to make. If giving up everything I have would keep Cayde alive and well, I would give it.”

“Sounds like the only one keeping you from enjoyin' yourself is you. Cayde's been sendin' me updates on that stupid sparrow from the Artemis Chasma. I've heard rumours they like to practise jousting down there, though I don't think he knew about it when he left. Why don't you make this whole thing happen?”

With that, she went back to her work.

 

**Author's Note:**

> I went away for a week and wrote two and a half little off-shoots. I wanted to expand the world a bit more. I was worried about exploring Andal but I hope I've done him well. I also wanted to explore this idea I had of playing with Light. Other people have done some really excellent things with it so I wanted to take a different approach to it. 
> 
> I really explore it in the one-shot that focuses on Andal, but here's a preview, and a hint of what's to come in the next couple chapters of the main work. 
> 
> And I apologize for timeline vagueness, it's really hard to pinpoint when and where various things happened and I don't want to say anything specifically. Especially with the Osiris DLC coming, I want to keep this whole thing true to the lore and with it constantly changing it's hard to pin it down. Assume years are going by haha. 
> 
> And if you check out ofaDyingStar on Tumblr I do post some extra little things about this whole headcannon. 
> 
> Thanks for reading.


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